How to stage a protest in OAU (and be successful!)

I recently learnt that the some student union central executives have been suspended. Already, talks are being held on what to do about it. I do not know the plans (or the planners) but I do know that whatever they plan to do will involve protests. Therefore, as the good student that I am, I will giving some advice on how to stage a protest.

You see, protest planning on OAU campus is a very tough thing to do; only a few succeed in achieving the overall aim. To successfully stage a protest, you must learn from the masters. Even the bible said, “You can’t be greater than your masters” (or something to that effect).

In the spirit of humility and diligence, I have carefully studied the ways of the masters and will be sharing them freely in subsequent paragraphs. A note of warning before we continue: follow these steps strictly; do not try to be smarter than the masters.

The first step is to wait until the problems to be protested against become unbearable. I mean, what is the sense in tackling issues before they are overblown? You will just end up working on your own with no glories attached. Besides, your opponents might say you are doing nothing. Worse of all, Great Ife students will just carry on their activities while you silently deal with issues as they arise. You were not elected to suffer “jhoor”. Forget talks of service to man and God, “baba chop life”.

The second step is to let people whisper your duties/responsibilities to you. This is very important. We all know you were selected/elected to represent and take decisive actions for the general interest but we have to make you do it. Even when common things like a room being burnt happens, wait for people to know about it. Then they will start giving you suggestions. This way, you make the students conscious of the fact that you represent them and involve them. Do not ever take the initiative on your own, no! Wait for when the situation becomes unbearable and the students begin to murmur. When there are agitations and talks of what to do, you move on to the third step.

The third step is to summon a congress. This is a very crucial stage. You see, the congress has the power to dictate the affairs of the union, but you must never allow that. You people are the bosses, the custodians of power. So you must make sure that the resolutions of the congress favours you and your cohorts. To do this is very simple. Just position your goons at various corners at the venue. When the time for submissions arises, signal your goons to give their opinions; opinions that will ultimately favour you guys. Remember not to call those of dissenting opinion; they have a way of ruining the entire congress in the name of freedom of speech, sincere student representation and other related nonsensical talks. Even if they get the chance to talk, use your power as an autocrat and decide on only actions that would be best for you and your people.

It is in this congress that you will decide to hold protests. You must ignore those who would advise consultation and meetings with the management. That is not right. We are Great Ife students; we do not value dialogue, no! We do not even know when principles must give way for compromise. We value protests and closing gates before we hold meetings and consultations even when they may achieve no result.

To make sure this works effectively, you must distance yourself from the pretenders masquerading as journalists on campus. After all, you can always create your own newsfeed on whatsapp, so you do not need them. Even more, going closer to them may expose you to unnecessary allegations like lying to Great Ife students and appropriating some small change to board “town gboro buses” with.

One important thing is that you must politicise the protest. Yes! This is extremely important. Whatever failure/setback you suffer must be because of those from other ideological camps and those who believe there are other practical ways to achieve the ultimate aim. Also, blame those journalists that would rather give a balance report than support you blindly in whatever action you take.

There are many other steps to take, but the ones above are enough for a start. However, be careful to avoid the following:

1. Meetings with the management even before school resumes on plans for student welfare. You do not want them to see you as genuinely interested in student welfare. Go to them only when you need cash for an international trip.
2. Interactions with journalists on how the press can be effectively used to exhibit the plight of Great Ife to the world in general and Nigerians in particular. Do not even do that, unless you want them to scrutinise your activities and “start doing amebo” to Great Ife students.
3. Inviting radio/television station and newspaper agencies to come and see for themselves the “glories” of OAU. There is no need for that. Our twitter accounts are enough.
4. Acquainting the world with events as they unfold rather than sit in the offices and prepare for protests. Don’t! Wait for the school to decide the narrative and start calling them liars
   
   
   I have said enough. In addition, er… everything that has been said was said under the influence…
   Thank you very much
   God bless Great Ife and the “masters”
   
   
   Gracious Egedegbe
   @IamTheGray