My fellow OAU
students, I am here again. I have been following the #ReOpenOAU campaign
closely and at this point, I cannot hold my peace any longer.
For those of you
who do not know me, I am a Student Union Presidential Aspirant. Kindly click
here and here to read about me.
You will agree
with me that to deal with a problem, you must first address the cause. The
cause of the school closure is stinginess. Yes, I will say it again; the cause
of the problem, of the strike, of the school’s closure is stinginess. I mean,
imagine, just imagine: Uncle Sam has been dining with Pastor Amala for a long
time, has been “enjoying life” while the drivers, cleaners, secretaries and
others were watching them with beggarly eyes. They were waiting for the day
crumbs will fall off the table. Moreover, we know that when the table is about
to be cleared, the crumbs on the table will be swept off before a new meal is
served. But not this new guy called Uncle Sam. He demanded that the crumbs on
the table be reserved for him. I pray for you, may no one reserve your crumbs
for themselves.
Now, you see
this is not entirely unforgivable. In times like this, you need the elders. Ask
Pastor Amala, the elders are very powerful. We are in a Yoruba land, and Yorubas
are highly cultured people. Just go to the elders and pay your dues, no! This
was the second problem: disrespect. You cannot disrespect the elders and get
away with it.
So the elders
decided to act. As far as they were concerned, since Uncle Sam has proven to be
a stingy and disrespectful person, he mustn’t be allowed to become the VC,
Valedictorian of Chop Chop. From them, I learnt the importance of synergy. You
see, these elders are skilled in the spiritual acts. In fact, I heard they were
responsible for making Pastor Amala bald. Anyway, they decided to mix this up
with some innovation; they went to court. They were using the legal means on
one side and some spiritual manipulation on the other. Great Ife Students, this
is the divine secret to boost your CGPA: read your books on one side, and do
the “other thing” on the other side. Shikenna.
Now when this
thing happened and Great Ife Students were crying, I felt it. In fact, everyone
in my campaign team felt it. We were working towards a lasting and selfishly
beneficial solution when ACJ, Association of Confused Jotters, came to snatch
the moment from us. Well, we don’t really mind, as long as we are working
towards the same goal. However, to our chagrin, they initiated a campaign
without consulting us. This is where another problem started. We all know there
are great talk-activists, belly-activists and “jokenalists” that would like to
be a part of the coordination of this campaign. We want our names on the bottom
of every release, whether on Twitter or Facebook.
These sets of
people also call themselves ideologists, what they mean by that is they have
plenty of ideas, extremely wonderful ideas. Look around you, everything
involving the ideologists have always been wonderful. However, the President of
ACJ, MarySam is a disrespectful and stingy person. As you might have noticed,
those traits lost Uncle Sam the chair of the VC. You know what they say; birds
of a feather flock together. The next thing we heard, Uncle Sam called MarySam
for over 30 minutes! Do you know why we take this personal? Because MarySam is
forming big boy! Some of us cannot even afford to buy good dictionaries (that’s
why we always fumble in our articles) and he can afford to receive a call for
30 minutes. Don’t tell me he wasn’t the one doing the calling, because if you
can receive a call for 30 minutes, you can make a call for longer. I pray for
you, may you never receive a phone call that will put you in trouble.
Personally, I
think it is a bad thing that I wasn’t consulted. It is just disrespectful. Imagine,
MarySam is trying to tell us that social media is powerful, that deliberation
and consultation are good ways to handle things. What nonsense! Great Ife
Students, we must protest! Even if influential personalities, through the
campaign, have expressed solidarity. Or how do you think people like me get
noticed? When we protest, there will be avenues for people like me to canvass
support. People will see how handsome I am, how much kilometres I can walk. In
fact, I will even post a release that will contain more typos and errors than
you can ever count.
Besides, we are
based in Ile Ife. Why should the whole world know about what is happening? We
must protest in Ile Ife. We will start from the Ooni of Efi palace. Usually, we
start from the Senate building but the amount of Jazz there, mhen… From there,
we will block the roads and inconvenience the people of Ile Ife. We will
paralyse all activities because the people of Ife are responsible for our current
state.
And if I don’t
get my chance with the protest, at least make me one of the faces of the
campaign. That is where the problem of stinginess comes in. He wants it to look
like it was Great Ife Students that collectively worked in the campaign; he
wants to reserve the glory for all of Great Ife Students that took part in the
campaign. And you know people like us, we are the elders of OAU students. We
like to keep the glory amongst ourselves. Or how do you think we sustain our
relevance in the OAU polity? We, ideologists and myself, like to be the face of
any campaign. We want our voices to be heard. We are the only smart ones on
campus. We can’t keep quiet when there is something going on. We must talk. We
must be pessimistic. We must always protest.
Besides the
hashtag is too short. I recommend something like
#AppointVC,ElectStudentUnion,UpgradeSchool,andReOpenOAU. That is perfect. Don’t
tell me hashtags are supposed to be concise and sensible; we are Great Ife
Students, we must be great in everything. Besides, how will the government know
that to ReOpenOAU, you have to constitute a Governing Council and appoint a new
VC. We are Great Ife Students, we must tell them what to do.
Sorry I haven’t
spoken in a long time, as you know I cannot kill myself for Great Ife Students.
Ask other people that have occupied one post or the other, they will tell you
the same thing.
But truly, the
break hasn’t been that bad, I trust some ajepako girls have been saving enough
money to buy flashy dresses and have learnt the latest pronunciations. Some
that couldn’t, I learnt, have turned to Jenifer’s Dairy as an alternative.
Guys have been
hustling too o. See new blogs and news agencies springing up here and there.
Some have been carrying weights to get muscles and six packs while others are
making money.
I want to advise
all the girls that have been doing “it” to undergo pregnancy tests, whether you
used raincoat or not. It is very important.
Now I hear our
president has ordered for an acting VC, or so it seems. I am getting ready to
begin my campaigns. However, I want you to note some agencies, OAUFolks,
DullBrain, LookManFerarri and InsideHer. These agencies have been forming as if
they know best. They are yet to start posting my articles on their websites.
Take special note of OAUFolks, especially their EIC, is it Vicar or Pope? I am
going to deal with them.
Don’t forget to
vote me when it is election time.
Yours sincerely,
Woobeu Gegekhido
Gabuscore
