As many of you know already, my
name is Woobeu Gegekhido Gabuscore. I am the only aspirant (as far as I know)
for Great Ife Student Union Presidential Seat. (If you haven't, read my manifesto here) I want to share with my numerous
and ever growing fans what I will do on the 10-naira per Sachet Water Issue.
When I learnt that Sachet water
(aka pure water) is now sold for 10-naira apiece on our great campus, I was not
bothered. The thing is, under the influence of the spirit, Prophetess Madam
Adisa had stated: “Education is for those who can afford it; it is not for
everybody”. In the same way, sachet water is not for everyone; it is for those
who can afford it.
Some of you might criticise my
alignment with the words of that great prophetess. Well, unless you know
someone else through whom I can apply to the management just in case I need
some cash for a leadership conference in the United States, I am sticking with
her!
Now, on the issue on ground, if I
am elected, there are many things I will do to deal with the situation. The
first thing is to ignore it for a while. You see, as your leader, I cannot be
bother about little things like a room getting burnt, or students being robbed
at Ibadan Road, not to talk of sachet water being sold for 10 naira.
After a while, some troublemakers
might begin to ask questions and demand action. Moreover, one budding satirist
might decide to use the issue to improve his writing skills. I cannot allow
these things to happen for too long. It is not as if I need the confidence of
Great Ife Students; after all, once I am elected, I will serve my term to the
very last so I have no reason to fear. However, because I am nice, I will move
to the next step.
The next thing is to blame it onthe dollar. Yes, the dollar! Let me explain it this way, the water is being
imported from the United States. In fact, not just the water but also the nylon
and the workers themselves. Therefore, when you import this much from the
United States with the high exchange rate of dollar to naira, you cannot just
but expect the prices to rise.
Someone might mention that the
company producing OAU Sachet Water does not have to import anything. The first
thing to ask is: how did that person know? Does such a company even exist? Even
if it is true, well, you cannot expect them to give up this opportunity to
increase revenue. Some people might call it greed, but I call it smartness.
Besides, since they have increased the price of sachet water, it is only a matter
of time (about 10 years) before the salaries of the factory workers are
increased.
The next step is to visit the
many women and few men at the butteries in all halls of residence. I am not
sure of what I will do there, but I will make sure everyone knows I visited the
butteries. I need to give the students the impression that I am doing something
about it, at least to bind some students to foolishly defend my every action.
Once I have garnered enough
support, I will announce that I want to install borehole machines and GP tanks
in all halls of residence. Many of these students drink “Omole’s Water”.
Therefore, they should welcome the idea. (It is ironical that these same
students want Omole to vacate his office. If he does, will he not take “his
water” with him?) I am trying to improve on the former administration. At a
time, the man with the shinning head did something like that in Angola Hall,
only for some people to complain that it was not working. I will not be like
him!
For me, I will budget a large sum
of money, say three hundred thousand naira for each hostel. Then I will present
a budget of four hundred thousand naira to the Student Union Parliament. Those
guys will clamour and claw each other over the budget. At the end, I will
promise fifty thousand off each installation to some parliamentarians should
they vote for the budget to be passed for three hundred and fifty thousand
naira per installation.
That way, I am still on track
with the originally budgeted sum of three hundred thousand per installation.
Yeah, I know, I am a genius.
If you think I will spend three
hundred thousand naira on borehole installation and GP tank per hostel, then
you do not know anything! I will spend a little above half on the project. The
other part will be for me, myself and my fans. Just so you know, most of the
equipment will be second-hand and castoffs. The tanks will be repainted, of
course. One thing is certain, however, the machines will work when I come
around to commission them. This is necessary for two reasons: to give my
supporters something to use in my defence and to allow me take on other
projects.
I can assure you that the
machines will not work after a month, but who cares? Great Ife students are
resilient; they can cope with anything. Besides, all these talks of probing
former leaders is all a farce. No one is ever probed in the real sense of the
word. Hence, I have nothing to fear after my tenure. In fact, I am getting rid
of my closet because I have no need to hide my skeletons.
And so while haters are
complaining and the wise ones are either looking for ways to either afford
sachet water or drink “Omole’s water”, I’ll use the “change” from the projects
to get myself plenty of bottle water. After all, I can afford it.
That’s all for now.
Remember to vote for me when the
ban is lifted.
Vote for the man who is willing
to go the extra mile
Vote Woobeu for President
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